Dr. Bob is here to answer all your Halloween questions
The doctor is in and ready to help on this most stressful holiday
NOTE: Due to overwhelming reader response and personal requests from all five members of the Davis City Council, The Wary One has once again called on the services of Dr. Bob, a board-certified psychiatrist with a Halloween-specific practice throughout all of California and parts of Saskatchewan.
While much of Dr. Bob’s timeless advice to parents and children all over the globe has been offered previously, it is continuously updated to deal with our changing, challenging and positively frightening times.
Dr. Bob, the author of dozens of bestselling books on Halloween, firmly believes if Halloween is not handled properly, it can haunt people of all ages for years to come, especially if left untreated.
His expert advice is critically important when Halloween falls so close to Election Day, when all sorts of scary characters are roaming the streets in search of votes and sometimes candy.
Please note that this advice is from Dr. Bob, not Dr. Oz, thus it can be trusted.
Asks Bea on B: "Dear Dr. Bob - There's some guy dressed as an island full of garbage standing on my front lawn screaming "Trick or Else" and all sorts of nasty words. Should I call 9-1-1?"
Bea - That's Tony Hinchcliffe and the only person in the world who thinks he's funny is some guy running for President of the United States. Give him a piece of candy and a one-way ticket to San Juan, then turn out the lights, lock the front door, go to bed and pull the covers up over your head.
Asks Dan on Danube: "Dear Dr. Bob — There’s a young woman in a Kansas City Chiefs uniform singing on our front porch. She’s too old to be trick-or-treating and I think we should be saving our candy for the kids who come by.”
Dan — That’s Travis Kelce’s girlfriend trying to get a halftime gig at the Super Bowl. She's been trying to catch on as a singer, but hasn't had much success. Be polite, but firm, and tell her this is 49er territory and she really needs to be moving along.
Asks Carmen on Carob: “Dear Dr. Bob — There’s a bunch of teenagers outside dressed as Blue Devils and they say they’re about to become extinct. Do you know anything about this?”
Carmen — There is a movement afoot at Davis High School to permanently ban the Blue Devil mascot. It’s time for tricks, not treats, until this is straightened out.
Asks Wilma on Whittier: "Dear Dr. Bob - There is a strange orange-faced man with one strand of hair wrapped all around his head who is wearing the most obscene costume from the waist down that I've ever seen."
Wilma - That's Donald Trump wishing he was Arnold Palmer. Avert your eyes.
Asks Cal on Covell: “Dear Dr. Bob - There's a young woman on my front steps dressed up as a single giant penny. I don't get it. What's the sense of a penny costume?"
Cal - That's Measure Q, which scares the dickens out of some people and is loved to death by others. Invite Q in for a cup of tea and let her explain herself.