How does the Davis City Council plan to deal with Maga Mania?
Council hatches novel plan in emergency closed session to deal with the crisis
It's been a tough couple of months for the citizens of my beloved hometown of Davis, the City of All Things Right and Relevant.
Sadly, many of us had to cancel Thanksgiving plans with MAGA relatives in North Dakota, and there was even concern at the annual Christmas tree lighting about that red hat atop Santa's head.
So, with less than two weeks before Donald Trump puts his right hand on the $59.99 Trump Bible and solemnly swears not to entirely destroy the United States Constitution before Valentine's Day, the Davis City Council met Monday night in emergency session behind closed doors to discuss our town's options.
The newly crowned leader of the free world has already declared that no disaster relief will come to Davis if a 9.8 earthquake shatters Monticello Dam and sends 42 trillion gallons of Lake Berryessa water down our streets and over our rooftops.
This, because we had the gall to vote overwhelmingly for his opponent last November 5.
The president-to-be has also threatened to withhold all federal Pell Grants from any University of California campus that practices Diversity, Equity and Inclusion through its admissions office, an act that will significantly impact the sale of frozen yogurt in downtown Davis.
And finally, Donald Trump has said he plans, by executive order, to replace any small-town mayor who refuses to contribute city funds to his inauguration ceremony.
The council discussed a variety of ways to combat what is coming our town's way, everything from seceding and becoming a part of British Columbia to building a wall around Davis and ruling as our own city-state, complete with its own Olympic bobsled team.
The first suggestion was to direct our downtown meter minders to immediately ticket any car displaying a "Trump/Vance '24" bumper sticker, even if its two-hour parking had not expired.
That motion failed on a 3-2 vote when the council majority decided that even MAGA money was welcome in Davis, especially with the recent one-cent increase in the city sales tax.
The next proposal was that the fenced off portion of G Street remain hidden and used as a detention center for any Davisites suspected to have voted for Trump, using social media posts and telephone wiretaps to uncover such damning information.
That motion failed 5-0 after every councilmember admitted that Woodstock's was their favorite eatery in town and they didn't wish to obstruct entry to this prized pizza palace at any cost.
That proposal was quickly followed by a motion to deport every MAGA member in Davis - all 17 of them - to Woodland, but that failed 2-2 with one abstention due to a fear that residents of North North Davis (South Woodland) would not exactly welcome those folks in their cheaper-than-Davis neighborhood.
Oddly, as the hour became late and motion after motion failed, things took a dramatic and unexpected turn.