Readers rule: 11-Word Essay Contest given slight extension

Compelling complications convince Large Judging Body to move deadline

Jan 14, 2025

I realize that the world famous 11-Word Essay Contest had a strict deadline of "The stroke of midnight on January 13, 2025," but I've had so many authors begging me to extend the deadline that I've decided to do so.

I remember similarly imploring professors for term paper extensions during my undergraduate days on the south side of Russell Boulevard, and, according to informed sources, every single one of those fine human beings who granted me an extension are going straight to heaven. Some are already there, given that my college days were several decades ago.

Weirdly, I still have two partially finished term papers that were never turned in, but the University Farm went ahead and graduated me anyway. I was on the eight-year plan and maybe they just got tired of seeing me ride my rusty old Schwinn around the campus.

Truth be told, I have been overwhelmed - or at least whelmed - with both the volume and quality of the entries so far.

On the flip side of that, some folks seem to be stuck in neutral and just need a little more time.

Writes Mary in Vacaville, "I sat down and pounded out nine words on the very first day you announced the contest, but I have a bad case of writer's block on the final two words. I just need a little more time."

Given the high stakes of this contest - worldwide fame and dinner for two with my sweetheart and me - how could I say "no" to such a request?

And, depending on what you order for dinner, it might be high steaks as well.

Begged Betsy in East Davis, "I thought January 13 was a Tuesday, not a Monday, so I just need one more day."

January 13 probably is a Tuesday in East Davis, Betsy.

Added Milton in Arlington, Virginia, "A January 13 deadline doesn't give us time to comment on Donald Trump's inauguration."

Exactly, Milton. That's why I picked that date.

And then there's 11-year old Hubert on Humboldt who told the big fat lie every schoolteacher in America has heard a hundred times, "The dog ate my essay."

What kind of dog would that be, Hubert, a Golden Deceiver?

For those who may have missed the contest announcement the first time around, I'll repeat the rules here.

Note: Your essay must contain 11 words, but there are only 10 rules. I know that's confusing, but I did it on purpose.

Here goes:

First Rule: The essay must be exactly 11 words in length. Not longer and not shorter.

Second Rule: Hyphenated phrases count as two words, contractions as one.

Third Rule: "thewaryone.com" counts as one word.

Fourth Rule: No subject is off limits. (Off limits is not hyphenated.)

Fifth Rule: Contestants are limited to 100 entries. Strictly enforced.

Sixth Rule: Entries can be posted in the "comments" section or sent to me directly at bobdunning@thewaryone.com.

Seventh Rule: Keep it clean.

Eighth Rule: You can ignore the Seventh Rule.

Ninth Rule: You can make up new words willy nilly (willy nilly is also not hyphenated). Just put a space on both sides of the made-up word so I can count it.

Tenth Rule: Punctuation, including exclamation points, is allowed without limit and does not count as a word.

A few examples to get your juices flowing.

"If Donald Trump goes after journalists I am moving to Manitoba."

"Davis decided to solve our difficult homeless problem with a bulldozer."

"Pickleball players have taken over every single tennis court in town."

"If you can't make an argument in eleven words, give up."

"Mary had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow."

Oh yes, I almost forgot.

Entries are due by the stroke of midnight on the federal holiday that honors the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.

Makes me wonder how Donald Trump will feel about sharing his glorious Inauguration Day with such a beloved American hero.

Ladies and Gentlemen, man your typewriters.

Or woman your typewriters.