Trump, Rubio, Pinocchio banned from boarding Air Force One
Musk interrupts grading of 11-Word Essay Contest as dispute heads to court
SLIGHT SNAFU IN 11-WORD ESSAY CONTEST JUDGING ... While I promised that the winner of the 11-Word Essay Contest would be announced in February - and I still intend to keep that promise even if it turns out to be February of 2026 - a chap named Elon Musk has thrown a monkey wrench into the judging process itself.
Musk, head of the newly formed Department of Grammar Efficiency, has seized all 14,112,001 entries to the contest after entering my bedroom closet without a subpoena, a warrant or a flashlight.
In a statement from Musk's communications director Elmer Fudd, Musk has declared that "all essays longer than 9 words will be shredded and burned, with the ashes spread by military transport over Greenland."
Added Musk, "Allowing 11 words is another example of fraud, waste and abuse that the Make America Grammatical Again movement will not tolerate. If you can't make your point in 9 words or less, you have nothing worthwhile to say anyway."
I have filed an emergency appeal with retired Yolo Superior Court Judge Dave Rosenberg, demanding an immediate return of all 14,112,001 entries so the judging can resume post-haste.
I'll keep you posted with any and all developments.
TRUMP, RUBIO, PINOCCHIO BANNED FROM AIR FORCE ONE ... According to White House Press Secretary Karoline "Love It Or" Leavitt, news organizations that refuse to use President Trump's new name for the Gulf of Mexico are "telling lies" as she insisted that the Associated Press would be banned from Oval Office briefings and flying on Air Force One.
Also banned from the Oval Office and Air Force One are Donald J. Trump, Marco "Little Marco" Rubio and a young Italian boy named Pinocchio (last name unavailable at press time).
Trump's ban results from his recent bald-faced lie that he opened a "spigot" that allowed billions of gallons of water from the "Pacific Northwest and beyond" to flow into California, when in fact no Pacific Northwest water actually entered California except for a few raindrops that fell on the windshield of a southbound car near Klamath Falls.
Rubio's lie came about after Russia released American schoolteacher Marc Fogel and Rubio claimed that Fogel's freedom "was not in return for anything."
Turns out a little digging - by the Associated Press no less - revealed that a Russian prisoner held in a United States prison had indeed been exchanged for Fogel.
Pinocchio was banned for a lifelong string of lies according to his spokesman, Jiminy Cricket.
